So lonely, but always free.

Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging. :/

2009-04-24T03:13:39Z

So my father is really taken with the idea of Personal Safety. Nice man, great dad, but super paranoid. For reals, guys. He gave me a self-protection/emergency manual called "Tough Target" for my sixteenth birthday. And my house is practically Fort Knox. Alarm systems, motion detectors, double locks, dead bolts, door-chains, rabid guard-bunnies, trolls - our house has got it all. He's also got this horrible habit of sending me those forwarded "THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU" emails about safety and rape and people hiding in back seats of cars. They terrify me.

"It's all about being a tough target. The good guys don't win them all, but
there's no need not to go down swinging....."xoxoxoDad

Body:
"PUT YOUR CAR KEYS BESIDE YOUR BED AT NIGHT

If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get into your

house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off

and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car

battery dies."

For reals, Dad? Are you telling me that I'm going to get murdered in my sleep because my car is nowhere near my actual bedside table? I mean, I can't even go down swinging now, I'm just goin' down. Horribly. In a pool of blood. Because I live in an apartment.

Maybe I should sleep in a giant panic room, instead. That way, I just close the triple-reinforced steel doors and then hit the giant red PANIC button, causing the entire thing to shoot away into the sky like the Great Glass Elevator and take me to the nearest police station/hospital.

Sometimes I think my Father stays up at night, cleaning his gun (with optional night scope!!) and thinking of horrible ways we could all die. Really. I mean. Ugh. I'm all squicky inside and wondering if he's a CIA/NSA agent or something. Maybe Dick Cheney is my grandpa and I don't even know it.

We Could Just Ignore It

2009-04-16T01:40:31Z

Another playlist! This time the theme is something along the lines of feeling trapped and escaping/running away (using a person, car, drugs, etc.). Hopefully this one will work out better than the last - stupid iTunes.

Songs:
1. Celebrate the Body Electric by Ponytail (trippy and awesome, so joyful!)
2. The Great Escape by We Are Scientists
3. Anthem by Blink-182
4. Speak Slow by Tegan & Sara
5. I'm a Lady by Santogold
6. Like How You Are by P.S. Eliot (friend of a friend kind of band, lo-fi song about losing yourself in love)
7. Heart In A Cage by Chris Thile (Strokes cover!)
8. Casanova, Baby! by The Gaslight Anthem
9. To Say the Least by The Bridges
10. Happy As Can Be by Cut Off Your Hands
11. Antarctica by The Never (running away to Antarctica is such a good idea right now, imo)
12. Bed of Roses by The National Trust
13. Ballad of My Friends by Zookeeper
14. You Can't Hold the Hand of a Rock'n'Roll Man by Okkervil River (did I mention that Will Sheff is a GOD?!)
15. Spinning Compass by Langhorne Slim (not working for some reason, so download if you want, and you SHOULD want to)
16. Love Will Tear Us Apart by Fall Out Boy
17. That Time by Regina Spektor
18. From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins by Panic at the Disco
19. The Night Life by The Starting Line
20. Soup by Tunng (okay, this one is just silly/awesome)
21. Pressure by Paramore
22. Shelf by The Jonas Brothers (haha! gotcha!)
23. Cancer by My Chemical Romance (...and the escape here is death? idk. also I'm sure you have this already and the linky doesn't work.)

Download

Calling and Not Calling

2009-03-27T04:48:02Z

So I've become a compulsive playlist-maker. I know, I know, I'm so late on the bandwagon! As a matter of fact, the wagon is gone. It's just me and a push cart. Following the fading tread marks, yelling at everyone to just slow down already, I've almost caught up! Anywhoodle, here's a playlist of songs-about-love-that-aren't-necessarily-happy. A haphazard collection of guilty pleasures, personal treasures, mementos, etc. The order is kind of wonky, but it goes something like sad, super sad, angsty, a little longing, some emo, and then a little kiss-my-ass, I hate you (but still love you, but hate you, etc.). Hope you like it! Comment if you take, I guess. But don't feel obligated or anything. Because lurking is an art, really.

Warning: My playlists are usually obscenely long, due to my disdain for editing in general. Feel free to modify at will. Also feel free to ignore the commentary that my aforementioned disdain for editing keeps me from leaving out. I know everyone is not simply dying to know what I think about music, life, love, and assorted shenanigans.

Calling and Not Calling

Song List:
1. "Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams (We start off with a classic.)
2. "Kathleen" by Josh Ritter
3. "Change is Hard" by She & Him
4. "Hummingbird" by Langhorne Slim (I've always been waiting for something, someone to come pull me through, now I see that it's all up to me, there ain't nothing no one else can do)
5. "Green and Gray" by Nickel Creek
6. "Does He Love You?" by Rilo Kiley
7. "No Hope in the Air" by Laura Marling (BBC6 Session) (Also, this song is beautiful beyond all reason.)
8. "Bella Donna" by The Avett Brothers
9. "Cannonball" by Brandi Carlisle
10. "The Funeral" by Band of Horses
11. "Calling and Not Calling My Ex" by Okkervil River (P.S. Will Sheff is a GOD.)
12. "The Frug" by Rilo Kiley
13. "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon
14. "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessional (I mean, I know but come on! You know you want to sing along.)
15. "Gentlemen" by mewithoutYou
16. "Gives You Hell" by The All American Rejects (haha! So much fun to scream at your passengers/friends/downstairs neighbors who hate you for being so loud!)

EDIT: I've just been informed that some of the songs don't work. I'm sorry. Also I have little to no idea how to fix that. I'll try really hard.
EDIT AGAIN: I've fixed it? I think. Let me know if it still won't work.

sighs

2008-12-03T01:40:36Z

So for those people *cough cough* who have been out of the country and somehow tethered to horrible internet-eating computers, I would like to introduce (bum bombom) The Puppy Cam. It makes me happy. It's almost like a little shot of happy and rainbows and perhpas some xanax but displayed on the internet on a live feed!! The cuddling! The little fuzzy bellies! I love it. You should love it to. And I'm embedding it. Because everyone deserves a little xanax, right?

Free video streaming by Ustream

I Don't Really Know How To Explain This...

2008-09-05T22:28:00Z

However, I'm going to try my best.

So, I was visiting my good friend ivesia19 a couple of weeks ago, and we came across this file on my computer entitled "Badass Week." Being the inquisitive girl she is, my good friend asked, "What the hell is that?"

Ashamedly, I opened the file and started to tell the tale of my freshman year at a super-conservative/preppy/repressed/etc. college (which she knows about since we lived next door to each other). I would often sink into fits of crankiness to due to heavy workload and a general intolerance of my tastes in music, clothing, and lifestyle. This prompted another of my friends and I to declare periodic "Badass Week"s in which we did and wore whatever the hell we wanted and adopted a demeanor that discouraged any criticism (or personal interactions, really). The inspiration for most of this behavior sprung from frequent viewings of the movie Fight Club and the reading and re-reading of copious amounts of Chuck Palahniuk books.

Meanwhile, in Alabama, my older sister was going through similar situations at an even more conservative university. I explained the ritual of Badass Week, but she didn't seem to get it. My verbal skills sadly lacking, I set about creating a handbook of sorts, filled with rules, picture examples, and various behavioral explanations.

Thus, this ~~manifesto~~ document was born.

So here we are. ivesia19 told me I absolutely must share these revelations with the world, threatening me with complete and utter annihilation if I refused.

Okay, the rules of badass week are the following:

1) You must act like you do not care about what anyone thinks about you, at all, period. The thought of the week is "Screw you guys! Your capitalist, conformist dogma means nothing to me!"
2) You must develop a badass strut, whatever that may be. You can drag a foot like Quasimodo, or you can chicken walk like Mick Jagger, or you can do the Brad Pitt in Fight Club walk, which is a long striding, butt rolling, "I don't care about you, I am super hot", fast walk.
3) That is about it. But in order to clear up some of your confusion, I will give you some examples.

Example No.1: Fight Club is always badass, but here are a few reasons why. Smoking is badass (I know, I know, you don’t need to start smoking, but you could just hold your hands like you have a cigarette in them, or maybe take a really deep breath every now and then like you really want to smoke.) Smoking in inappropriate places is always extra badass (like a bathtub, or church, or maybe in the DH at Furman University) You will notice the beer next to the bathtub. That is also badass. Not binge drinking, being drunk is not badass, but drinking in inappropriate places is (see the examples that apply to smoking).

Fighting is also badass, as is any kind of martial arts (not the Jackie Chan kind, but the House of Flying Daggers kind). Even stopping in the middle of the quad and striking a martial arts-esqe pose is badass. You just have to do it, threaten someone with bodily harm (any passer by will do, this is especially effective on people who wear seersucker), and then brush yourself off and move on with your day. Make sure to keep your badass scowl up and running the entire time you do this. We don’t want people to think you are cute, we want people to be a little scared and slightly pissed off that you are so much more badass than them. Also, sleeveless shirts are definitely badass, unless you are ~~RyanRossohwaitthatwasjustthelightin~~ga boy with girl arms, then you must refrain and cover them with something black, preferably leather.

Rice cakes are not badass, although they are quite delicious. (Okay, old picture. Forgive the bangs and my roommate’s posters and focus!)

Now, here is a picture with many things badass. One, notice the apathetic look on Marla Singer’s face. That is what we adopt when walking around, doing mundane things, and when we are approached/spoken to by people that we do not care to socialize with (which is usually most anyone). Also, notice that Edward Norton is in Marla’s personal space. This is a common tool of badassery, which we use in order to annoy/scare people in order to get away from them faster or to prove a point. Also, don’t shower or overly groom yourself. These things are not badass.

Breaking things is always badass. So is throwing things, or even punching/kicking things. And rocking out, that is always badass.

Some good examples of how to dress and accessorize during badass week. Their apathetic looks, and scowls are also nice. In addition, notice the rocker badass posture. (Another old picture, but such a fine example, imo)

Fight club, as we have said, is always badass. Palahniuk is also extremely badass. So am I. (Still am.)

Scowling, moreover, and wielding weapons is badass. Notice I said wield the weapon, not use it. Your badass scowl should intimidate others so that you do not have to use your weapon. Violence is not badass. The threat of violence is badass. This might seem to contradict the earlier claim that fighting is badass, but if you review the concepts in the book/movie Fight Club, you will realize that fighting is a much different sort of violence, seeking to break through the constraints of civilized society.

Smiling is not badass. Fight your instincts on this one miss sorority girl.

In conclusion, this is badass week do whatever the hell you want!!!!!!

Love Always,
Caroline

Share Time!

2008-02-23T19:43:59Z

langhorne slim, "i love you, but goodbye"

the avett brothers covering jessica lee mayfield, "for today"

the avett brothers, "november blue"

(sigh)

"The Places I'd Rather Be," by Me

2008-02-22T04:48:34Z

The End

Thoughts (new, somehow dusty and different):

2008-02-14T22:48:51Z

Thoughts (old):

2008-02-14T22:33:08Z